A parable that will help you understand how to find love...

Sally has fallen in love with a pair of navy patent leather ballet flats with a two inch heel. She hasn’t ever seen such beautiful shoes. Not only are they different than anything she owns but they also happen to match every single thing in her wardrobe.

These shoes basically already belong to her. All she needs to do is bring them home.

After work, Sally goes to the store and can’t find them, which doesn’t make sense because she just saw them on the website. Annoyed, she interrupts the salesperson who is helping another customer, to ask where these shoes are because they really should be here. In her size. Exactly.

The salesperson apologizes that the website hasn’t been updated and explains that not only do they not have the shoes (and haven’t for at least a month) but they won’t be getting them any time soon. 

The salesperson, wanting to make up for the disappointment, goes to the shelf and pulls out ten pairs of similar flats in different colors and styles. With every pair she shows, Sally becomes increasingly frustrated. By the time the salesperson presents the tenth pair, Sally has had enough.

“These are the not shoes that I wanted and I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING ELSE,” she says as she storms out and slams the door.

Later that night, Sally texts her friends about the horrible experience. The store was so unprofessional. How could they not have the shoe that was advertised on the website?? Her friends agree - the store didn't have what they said they did. She has every right to be upset.

“What a waste,” she texts, “and while we’re on the topic, why even shop in real life anyways. It’s such bullshit.” 

Sally’s social media feed agrees. There’s an influencer talking about how she had the exactly same experience, not only with the same store, but also five others. And then there’s an article about how shopping for shoes IRL is broken and then profiles the lives of people who have quit altogether and have found happiness without shoes.

Sally feels vindicated. She isn’t alone in this. Stay the course, she thinks. Someday the right shoe will come along. 

***

Sally wasn’t the only customer in the store who was looking for those shoes that night.

Sarah had also rushed from a busy day at the office and was also sad that they weren’t there.

But instead of getting frustrated and pissed off, she thought, I’m here I might as well look around. She tried on a few pairs and got into a fun conversation with the salesperson, who mentioned a new restaurant down the street.

After shopping, Sarah decided to take herself out for dinner. Why not? It was late and she was tired of ordering in.  She walked right in and sat at the bar. 

And then a cute guy sat down beside her. They talked and flirted and at the end of the night, they made plans to see each other that weekend.

***

Sally = the vast majority of frustrated daters who hate being single and hate dating

The Website = dating apps

The Store = IRL

The Shoes = the dating pool 

The Salesperson = me, your dating coach and matchmaker

The Influencer = somebody who makes money on the misery of single people

The Article = a writer who gaines viewers by validating their world view

Sarah = Somebody who enjoys being single

The Cute Guy at the Bar = a good first date

***

Every great relationship begins with a good first date and a good first date begins with you.