Former Harvard president and Treasury Secretary Lawrence Summers recently made a point that stopped me in my tracks. He wasn’t talking about inflation, productivity, or bubbles. He was talking about love—or rather, the loss of it.

“If you think about DoorDash, plus Netflix, plus AI companions—you are looking at a very different and very much diminished level of pressure to leave the place where you live and come together... Humanity has historically been a social animal, and it is the hive mind that has been the driver of progress. And if the hive is less there, that, in turn, has very important implications.”
— Lawrence H. Summers, Markus Academy, Princeton (September 10, 2025, 21:10 timestamp)

Summers believes that AI will dramatically improve the quality of our lives. He’s not worried about job loss or industry collapse. What worries him is something quieter and more human: that we may stop needing one another.

Because if we can have food, entertainment, and companionship without ever leaving the house, what’s left to bring us together?

When we have Netflix for comfort, DoorDash for nourishment, and an AI text buddy to listen to our thoughts, it’s easy to slip into a life that requires no compromise, no conversation, and no other person. Our threshold for discomfort becomes so low that other people—imperfect, unpredictable, and real—feel like too much work.

That’s the change Summers fears. Not the disappearance of work, but the disappearance of wanting to connect.

A Crisis of Connection

I see this shift every day. My social feed is full of women who are fed up with men—posts about “raising standards,” “self-partnering,” and “not settling.” Meanwhile, in some other algorithmic universe, there’s a matching feed of men convinced that women hate them.

Everyone is protecting themselves. Everyone is exhausted.

The irony is that both sides want the same thing: closeness without risk. A version of love that doesn’t hurt, doesn’t require compromise, doesn’t require the messy, human process of actually getting to know someone.

But that’s not love. That’s customer service.

Why Dating Still Matters

Dating is not just about finding “the one.” It’s about staying human.

It’s an exercise in curiosity and courage—a small but meaningful act of optimism. You agree to meet a stranger. You listen. You react. You reveal a little of yourself. Sometimes you’re disappointed, sometimes surprised. Either way, you’ve practiced being open.

That’s what keeps us connected—to each other, and to ourselves.

When we stop dating, we don’t just stop meeting new people. We stop growing. We lose the friction that helps us discover who we are in the presence of someone else.

As Summers warned, that’s how we “check out of the hive.” And that’s dangerous, because when we stop showing up for one another, it has profound consequences for humanity and peaceful coexistence.

Every Great Relationship Begins with a Good First Date

The solution to this slow disconnection isn’t more technology—it’s better use of it. Dating apps, AI, and even virtual coaching can help us practice connection if we treat them as tools, not substitutes.

The first date is still the first step toward everything that matters: understanding, partnership, love.

Every great relationship begins with a good first date.

And every good first date begins with remembering why we date at all.