The new “normal”

STIs move over, there’s a new sheriff in town. He’s meaner, scarier and much more deadly.  I mean, we can’t even leave the house, let alone strut that walk of shame. It's too bad. Just as we were getting good at IRL dating, a 6 foot wall appeared.  

First dates are no longer just a pain in the ass. They’re risky and in some places, illegal.

So until chance encounters are allowed again, meeting somebody will have to happen online. Remote dating, texting-calling-videoing, is the new norm for now and probably the foreseeable future.

It’s good news! First, the commute just got easier. The date got cheaper. And most importantly, it is possible to develop a relationship over Zoom. It’s not the same as an IRL date, not better or worse, just different. 

Technology has made virtual dating easy. All you need is connection and a dating app. No excuses, you already have everything you need.

Now that all the foster cats have been adopted, what are you gonna do? You could wait it out. And wait you will. Maybe it’ll open tomorrow or a year from tomorrow. But I’ll promise you one thing: if you do nothing, nothing will happen. 

If the past six weeks have taught us anything it’s that true companionship matters. We need relationships. Not just for babies and pissing off our exes. They help us through life’s most difficult times, like now. Things could get worse or better. The only thing we can be certain about is that we don’t know what’ll happen next.

Dating isn’t the same as it was before and thank goodness for that.

Here’s why.

The hook up swipe just got an N95 and it’s not coming off for a while.

Unless you want to risk catching something, dating for the hook-up is not a good idea. You can date for an eventual hook up - after all isn’t that what dating is about? But your average f*ck boy/girl won't’ bother with the rigmarole of video dating.  For relationship seekers the filter keeps us safe from deadly droplets of all kinds.

You’re going to choose better.

Hopefully this crisis will make you less shallow. You’ll consider the book, not just the cover - or at least the Introduction! Now that we can teleport to our living room, the field has widened. That 50-mile match (out of the dating hell that is NYC) is now in play. It’s also a great time to experiment. If you’ve ever wanted to see what it’s like to date somebody outside of your demographic, here’s an easy way to do it.

You’ll know if you like each other a lot sooner.

Remote dating is also a great indicator of mutual interest. If your match is willing to jump through the video dating hoop, they’re definitely into you and willing to try something new. You will both be taking new risks: rejection and feeling even more sad. At the very least it’ll kill some time until Tiger King 2.

Remote dating will signal the demise of hot people with shitty personalities.

You know how if you lose your sense of sight your hearing gets better? The same applies here. If you’re on the phone, you have no idea what they really look like. If you’re on Zoom, you have no idea what their socks really look like. You’ll have to rely on other things, like what their apartment really looks like. Oh, and their personality. Things have just gotten good...

We now have something to bond over.

The Corona Virus has also given us an intense shared experience. How they’ve navigated the weirdest month ever is revealing. If you’re looking for somebody who can chill, then you’ll find them. Or, if you’re goal oriented and on your fifth book, you can learn together. This information might even be better than their IRL date shoe choice.

Remote Dating: the stakes have never been so low.

Video dating is really easy. 

There’s no commuting or foregoing plans with friends. Your dreams of cheaper dating just came true. You don’t have to spend a dime.

You will have to clean a small part of your apartment. And probably change your shirt.

The rules? Make up your own.

So ready to get started? It’s easy. Text a little, ask for the date. A “no” means they weren’t that interested. Good to know. If you get a “yes” (yay!) schedule, clean up and voila, you’re good to go.

But, what happens next? In IRL dating, if it goes well, you chat and go on a second date. The third date might be the movies, the fourth dinner at home? But in remote dating there are no rules. So, you get to make up your own!

Figuring out the next step requires communication and a little humor. Another great opportunity to see how you two navigate as a couple. And with innovations like Netflix Party, Zoom and synching Spotify playlists, it is possible to change things up. 

A virtual connection is a real connection.

Deepening the connection doesn’t require an IRL date. Being there for somebody, even remotely, means more than what happens within 6 feet.  That morning check-in text provides genuine comfort in these uncertain times. The Netflix and Chill is now literal and more meaningful.

There’s no turning back, so get on board.

What’s clear is that dating has forever changed and I think for the better. The remote first date will make it easier to give different people a chance. We will challenge our boundaries more willingly.  We might even look forward to that IRL date!

Besides, if Corona has taught us anything, it’s that life is short and human connections matter.  We now have a unique opportunity to meet somebody in a new way. Let’s embrace this good news and give it a try.

No, video dating isn’t the same as IRL dating. And that’s a good thing.

I’m here to help.